30 Years of Alice and Me

   I recently celebrated my 30th anniversary of being employed by the Alice Saddy Association. I have paused to reflect many times as this anniversary approached in an attempt to put into perspective its significance.

The house on Wolfe Street, where it all began...

   Thirty years does seem like a long time, I suppose. Like most such stretches, though, it has passed by quickly. And though it seems like a significantly long time to be employed anywhere I must note that there are a couple of people who have been there longer and a whole host of people following closely in my footsteps. So I guess it must be a pretty good place to work if people are happy to be there that long!
    For those of you who aren't aware, the Alice Saddy Association is an agency that provides support to adults with developmental challenges. We have been doing this since 1973 and started as a very small agency. We were still quite small when I started there in 1981, we had a large old house on Wolfe Street in which up to eight people lived at a time and possibly another ten to fifteen people living in individual apartments out in the community. In the intervening years we have grown tremendously and now support 150 people. The staff group has grown from about 8 to 120.

...and a couple of places....

   What all this growth has meant to me is that I've met and worked with many, many amazing people over the years and found myself doing an incomprehensibly wide range of tasks and activities. Sometimes I've needed to be reminded of things I've been involved with; every once in awhile one of the other tenured staff will dredge up a memory and this will then spark a train of thought that leads us to all sorts of places we'd nearly forgotten about. If you do this enough times you end up being astounded at some of the things that have transpired over the years!
   The following is a partial list of some of the places and things I've been to and done with Alice over the years, as they randomly pop up in my head----planned a funeral, accompanied someone to court, rescued a person from an old cluttered house, wiped a butt (many of them!), moved someone (many times!), ducked or dodged a variety of "weapons", celebrated birthdays, worked in a bakery, changed a dressing, killed a bed bug, wrote a eulogy, went to a meeting (way too many of them!), felt for a dying man's pulse, made breakfast, cuddled on a couch, spied on the neighbours, cried, used a walkie-talkie, drove a van full of people, started a BBQ, cleared a path, picked out furniture, held a hand, stopped at a Tim's (many, many times!), drove to Timmins, Woodstock, Goderich, (you name it), picked out a coffin, flirted, swallowed some pride, ran a meeting, got out of a meeting, mopped up sewage, shingled a roof, landscaped, made a speech, coloured a picture, shaved off my beard, fell in love.

...where it still continues!

   And, believe me, that was only a partial list..... 
   Through the years, though, it has not only been the things I've seen and done but the people I've come to know along the way. And it has been a very diverse group of people. Because of this diversity, my own life has been enriched in small increments. As other people's stories unfold it is impossible to not apply what you have learned to your own life, whether it is something going on in the life of a person you support or something one of your fellow staff members is dealing with. Part of your job is to assist people as they move through the various stages of their lives and, after awhile, you find yourself going through the some of the same stages in your life. And because you have already helped someone deal with whatever the change has been, it is now easier to deal with yourself.
   Back to diversity. The people I've come to know through Alice have represented pretty well every walk of life, socio-economic group, ethnicity, sexual orientation, psycho-social characteristic and age group. Yes, I do enjoy big words! What this means is that I've seen it all, pretty well. And, now that I've said that, sure as shooting something will come up tomorrow I've never run into before and my life will simply continue to be enriched in this way!
   Some of the people who have helped with this enrichment are no longer with us. Several of those have been staff I worked along side of, others have been people who my goal was to support in their daily lives. Some left us suddenly and some left us time to prepare, in whatever way we thought we could, for a time when our paths would no longer cross. In all cases I am so thankful for having known them and they must know that they are remembered fondly. 
   Reflecting on my thirty-year career, I find myself with very few regrets and few things I might have changed. There have been moments of self-discovery. In subtle ways you are sometimes given much power over people and there is a huge onus on us all to wield this power responsibly. Have I done this well at every opportunity? Possibly not. But if I haven't I do think that when I went back and reviewed what went on I was able to see how I'd subtly misused my authority or power or whatever you would like to name it and then figured out what I needed to do to avoid that in the future.
   Regrets, as I mentioned, I have few of. One does come to mind, though. There was a time quite awhile ago when hiring new people was one of my responsibilties. I hired someone once and, to this day, I have deeply regretted doing so, and have often wished I could run into this person just one more time and tell them just exactly how I feel about them. My desire to do this is also something I regret....
   So all of this reflecting has me wondering just what lies ahead. I am not that far away from retirement age and before you know it I will need to make some plans around this. Life without Alice? A little hard to imagine, for sure! I still work full-time and for pretty well all those years I had a shift or two at the old building on Wolfe Street. These have now ended (never say "never") and it does feel strange to pass by that building and have very little reason to enter the place where it all started for me. I can only imagine that retirement will be a gradual sort of thing and that hopefully I will still be involved, if not by actually working then simply by spending time with people.
   The other day I had lunch with one of the staff I've known the longest. She herself is not far off the 30 year mark. I met her when she was a "kid",  a brand-new student from Fanshawe College. We ended up talking about the days when we all were younger and a touch more vital and how, in the intervening years, a new generation has emerged. We spent a little time trying to see ourselves in them but it was difficult, as I suppose it is for any generation looking at the young coming up from behind. What I do know is that among all these young people there are those who have the energy, drive and commitment that will help ensure that, as Alice carries on and continues to grow and change, the lives of the people we support will be in good hands. Which is to say, their hands, not our's!
  
    
  
  
  
  

Thoughts on Shawn Tompkins

   On August 14th, Shawn Tompkins, well-known MMA trainer, passed away, very unexpectedly. I never had the opportunity to meet the man but I work with his mother-in-law and so found myself attending, sadly, his visitation and funeral.

   Shawn was 37 when he passed and was discovered to have had an enlarged heart and blocked artery. As a trainer of high-level athletes, he was outwardly in excellent health himself and this made his passing that much more incomprehensible. He left behind his family, his wife Emilie, a stable of devoted fighters and uncountable friends.
   I had never met Shawn and, prior to his death, knew him only through his burgeoning reputation as a trainer of top MMA fighters. MMA stands for mixed martial arts, a combination of different schools of physical combat--boxing, judo, kickboxing, tae kwon do, etc.---and Shawn was more than well-respected in his field. Until recently, this type of fighting was banned in Ontario and Shawn and Emilie had had to set up residence in the States, Las Vegas to be exact, in order for Shawn to be able to practice his craft. Recently, with the ban on MMA fighting in Ontario lifted, he was exactly where he wanted to be with his life when it all ended.

Shawn and Emilie

    At his evening visitation, my wife and I found ourselves standing in line for two hours. Earlier in the day, there were similar waits. This and everything we saw and heard while we were there was a testament to the love people had for this man and his family. As I watched the throng of people there to pay their respects that evening, it also was obvious that the vast majority of them were young and, to be honest, beautiful in their youth. Both men and women. This did not terribly surprise me, it occurred to me that Shawn's was quite likely the youngest and most vital person's funeral I'd ever attended and it only made sense that that his peers would be there in abundance. What I also noticed was the sense of camaraderie; the hugs, back-slapping, the tears. People who'd obviously not seen each other for long periods of time were re-united.
   The young were there to pay their respects to one of their departed own. This, of course, should never have to happen, it belies the natural order of things. We don't want to be reminded of our own mortality at the best of times but death is the ultimate expectation. What affects us even more deeply though is the totally unexpected passing of the young, of unforeseen causes. It is impossible then to not look inwardly and possibly re-evaluate our own lives.
   The funeral itself needed to be moved to a venue that would accommodate the huge number of people wanting to attend. Friends and family members took to the stage to offer remembrances and testimonials. It was impossible to not choke up, over and over. Pathos was mixed with humour. At the end of it all, there was a clear sense of who the man had been and how badly he will be missed.
   Shawn Tompkins was not someone I had ever met. Nor have I ever been an MMA fan. As someone who follows sports generally, though, I was more than aware of and appreciated his accomplishments. What I discovered as I spent time watching and listening to those who did know and love him was his ability to encourage, motivate and inspire the people he touched. This was spoken of many times. It is agonizing to consider what might have been, particularly to those close to him. That is always the way when those who are seemingly in their prime pass away.
   For me, at the end of it all,  I found myself missing in some small way a man I'd never met.
  

My Musical Journey

   I was driving along in my car the other day and all of the sudden realized I was bopping along to "Evacuate the Dance Floor" by Cascada. I was not totally embarrassed to realize this but new full well that I would be looked on with disdain by teenagers of all ages and, most particularly, mine, should they ever catch me.
   I imagine that I would have been similarly disturbed had I caught either of my parents be-bopping away to the Rolling Stones or the Beatles. The bands of the sixties seemed so intrinsically your own, God forbid that your parents might trespass on such hallowed ground, besmirching it.
   Having said that, I'm sure that every youthful generation believes its music is the only real and valid type of music and that their parents just don't get it and couldn't possibly ever understand its validity. I went through this as a kid with my parents and have been lucky enough to go through this with two different sets of kids of my own.
   So, as I'm grooving to Cascada, it occurs to me that if you grew up in the sixties and experienced what seemed like such a monumental shift in musical tastes then it isn't likely that anything since is going to throw you for a loop. Another fascinating thing I've discovered is that the youth of today are also prone to appreciating the Beatles, Stones, Zeppelin et al. Occasionally they even end up becoming more familiar with the music than you are. So, in a tit-for-tat kind of way I figure I'm allowed to know a little something about Lady Gaga, Cascada, Pit Bull et al.
   Self-indulgent me, I now take the opportunity to describe my own personal musical journey.

Harry Belafonte

   As a very young boy, the music I first heard and became fond of was my parents'. Listening to Sing along with Mitch Miller every week introduced me to all the old classics (Beer Barrel Polka, Bicycle Built for Two, Surrey With the Fringe on Top, etc.) My parents had a couple of Harry Belafonte Live at Carnegie Hall albums and they were always being played. When my parents weren't playing them I was. His version of Danny Boy and La Bamba should not be missed. It seems very odd to say, but one of my biggest musical influences at the time was the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. For whatever reason, my parents had one of their albums and I found myself enthralled by the power and majesty of the music. It got to the point where I would put the album on at bedtime and listen to it from the down the hall, lying in my bed, with a ruler as a baton, directing the music as it played. Nerdy, eh?

Mormon Tabernacle Choir

   Soon after this period, I entered into a more mature form of adolescence and began an interest in contemporary music. One of my closest friends had a Simon and Garfunkel album Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme and soon I had my own copy. It had such a combination of lyric and melodic orchestration that I couldn't stop listening to it. More than this, though, it was mine, the first album that I owned.

Simon and Garfunkel

   Subsequent S&G albums ensued and the generation gap between my parents and I grew. It was nothing strained or tense but I clearly remember my Dad listening to El Condor Pasa and saying something to the effect that "That was kind of silly--who wouldn't rather be a hammer than a nail...?" Okay, I guess one of us didn't get it.
   One evening I was sitting in the living room watching the Johnny Cash show. His guest that night was Joni Mitchell. I was only vaguely familiar with her. The song she played that night was For Free, a very haunting piece, to piano accompaniment. I immediately went out and bought Ladies of the Canyon, the album that song appeared in. I was then hooked on Joni Mitchell. She had all these songs that used love and loss as their themes and this resonated strongly with a lovelorn teenager. Her songs were also filled with beautiful poetry.

Joni Mitchell

  
   I have always been a sucker for beautiful poetry. So I became a fan of Leonard Cohen. I remember the first time I heard Suzanne on the radio. It was so unlike anything else I'd ever heard and even his voice struck a chord, unorthodox as it was. The poetry of the song challenged me and this was unlike most other singers. I was in high school at the time and we even studied this song (anything to get young high school kids studying poetry!) My parents were aghast at my love of Cohen. They thought he was simply the most depressing-sounding singer they'd ever heard and they were sure that I must be just as depressed if I found anything about his music attractive. I can almost see their point, now.

Leonard Cohen

   I think what I liked about the man and his music was that he was dealing with situations which were not well. As teenagers, we are all dealing with things that don't seem well or fixable. And here was this singer who I could identify with and, not only that, he seemed to acknowledge and deal with those things I was having a hard time with. Sometimes it was only by talking about it but that seemed enough. For me, anyway.                        
    In 1970, a song called Lay Down (Candles in the Rain) began to appear on the radio. It was sung by a young lady named Melanie Safka and she was backed up on the song by a group called the Edwin Hawkins Singers, essentially a gospel group. It was a very powerful song and touched on her experience performing at Woodstock the previous year and looking out at the huge sea of faces, many of whom had lit candles. Listening to the song on the radio and hearing how the voices meshed, I could only picture some young southern black girl standing in front of this group of black gospel singers, belting it out. Imagine my surprise to find out she was a white girl from Queens, New York! Lay Down was one of her biggest hits, along with Brand New Key and a cover of Ruby Tuesday.

Melanie Safka

   I have discovered with many singers over the years, though, that sometimes their hits are not even close to being the best songs they did. This would be true of Melanie and you would be well-served to download samples of her other music. Some of my favourites are Momma Momma, Birthday of the Sun (not the live version), Leftover Wine and Bobo's Party.

Cat Stevens

   Soon I said hello to Cat Stevens, he of the incredible voice. Wild World was on the radio all the time and it, as well, resonated with a lovelorn teen. Once again, I found that many of my favourite songs of his were not the ones you heard most often on the radio. You could take a boo at such songs as 18th Avenue, Sad Lisa, Lady D'Arbanville, Into White, Longer Boats, and many more, actually. A drawback , however, was that my wannabe girlfriend at the time thought he was absolutely gorgeous and swooned around pictures of him constantly. Later in his career, he became a Muslim and took the name Yusuf Islam. Humourously, recently one of my young stepsons was watching a music video on You Tube of an older gentleman singing Father and Son. He remarked on how much this guy sounded like Cat Stevens. I took a quick look and said, "Uh, that is Cat Stevens". He said, "No, it says Yusuf Islam!" I then explained it to him.

Harry Chapin

   Harry Chapin showed up about then, with a song called Taxi. This was an epic storyteller's song, through and through, and very emblematic of how he wrote. My favourite of his is an even more epic song called Sniper. The subject material was a little dark (a man goes to the top of a university tower and starts shooting--based on the story of Charles Whitman in the sixties) but is a fairly involved psychological study of what motivates desperate people. Certainly, not all Harry's songs were dark. Please check out 30,000 Pounds of Bananas and Flowers are Red. They were also introspective songs such as Cat's in the Cradle, possibly his best-known song. Heartbreakingly, Harry passed away in a car crash at the height of his popularity, leaving behind legions of true believers.

Kate Bush

   I have to mention the theatrical, whimsical Kate Bush. I must have discovered her by accident as I don't remember ever hearing her on the radio or seeing her on television. Once again, a distinctive voice captures your attention. Many of the songs are thought-provoking and sensual. Some of my favourites are Cloudbusting (see the video with Donald Sutherland), The Man With the Child in His Eyes, Wow, The Sensual World and Wuthering Heights.
   I could probably end my little journey here. But if I did who would I be omitting? Let's see....in no particular order there would be the Moody Blues, Bruce Cockburn, Doug McArthur, Peter, Paul and Mary, Gordon Lightfoot, Elton John, Tori Amos, Loreena McKennit, and Judy Collins, among others.
   I'm sure I've neglected to mention many who were important to me and will likely slap myself later for not including them. I have, though, touched on the ones who shaped me the most and as much as music can.