Backing Up

   My wife, Doralyn, likes to back into parking spots. I prefer to just drive straight in.
   She enjoys the ability to drive right back out and be on her way and I enjoy the ability to back out into a wide open space, with no fear of scraping bumpers, bushes or buildings.

You're safe...

   Somehow or other, after having driven for the better part of forty-five years, I have never mastered backing up. I always find it subtly disorienting, having to shift around in my seat (I'm not as nimble as I once was), using mirrors (how truly trustworthy can they be?) and using my backwards death protection...er...depth perception... in order to get me and my car properly aligned and in the right spot. It's pretty well akin to asking me to look at three things at once when I generally have my hands full with one. 
 



You're not safe...

   I would get better if I did it more often. My skills are such that, with enough practice, I think I would be an excellent backer-upper. But, really, what adult practises backing up?
   My brother-in-law, Mike, can attest to my poor backing up skills. One day back in the early seventies, not long after we'd met and he was at our house in London visiting, I walked out to the driveway, hopped into my mother's car and promptly backed it up into Mike's Datsun 240Z--a sporty little car I had suddenly made less sporty. I'm not sure how you walk out to a driveway and back into a car that's  parked directly behind you, in the summer, in the sunlight. It's not like I clipped it while trying to drive around it---no, I drove directly into it.
   Mike would also be quite happy to recount the tale of me backing Doralyn's car down the concrete steps leading to one of the lower levels of the resort Mike and my sister, Jayne, own in Parry Sound. We had been staying in one of their cabins and, on our way out, I had been trying to back up and drive out forwards up the short hill leading away from our cabin. I totally misjudged where the steps were and ended up driving down the first two! It was only by the grace of Mike's pick-up and a sturdy chain that we were able to be extricated.
   These two offences are the ones which stick out in my mind the most but they do not account for the countless close calls where I avoided obstacles on the left only to discover how close I'd been to disaster on the right.
   This is why I drive forward into tight spaces, if at all possible. I don't even have a good handle on my own driveway. I can't tell you how many times I've backed one of our cars into the driveway only to discover I was now angled thirty or more degrees to either the north or south and quickly had to re-arrange things before being spotted.

 

   My new Honda is equipped with something I've never had before---a backup camera. Oh joy, one more distraction while I'm trying to do the backing up thing. Backup cameras are excellent if you're trying to avoid the suicidal maniac who was waiting for you to hop in your car so he could throw himself down behind your rear bumper. Apart from that, checking your mirrors and looking back over your shoulder should really be all you need to do.
   I guess I need to leave you with words of advice here. If you happen to see me driving toward you some day, then have no fear, the world is unfolding as it should. But if, perchance, I happen to be driving backwards.......