Every once in awhile, the subject of my wife, Doralyn's, next husband comes up. That's not because we're on the outs or anything, it's just what seems a realistic topic for discussion as I am significantly that much older than she is.This is the second marriage for both of us and one of her favourite sayings is I married the first time for kids, the second time for love, and the third time it'll be for money!
We kind of smile and chuckle whenever this comes up, obviously not knowing whether life will work itself out this way or not but, frankly, I'd be quite happy for her if, after I'm gone, she found some rich guy who was able to provide her with some of the things I'm unable to right at the moment. And when I say some of the things, I mean pretty well everything. Neither one of us came out of our respective previous marriages particularly well off financially, so we found ourselves basically as the the stereotypical struggling newlyweds, the only difference being that we were in our thirties and fifties at the time. We're in our forties and sixties right now and nothing much has changed, believe me.
Now, I'm not sure who Doralyn envisions as her next husband but I kind of picture The Most Interesting Man In The World from all the Dos Equis commercials. He'll be able to fly her wherever they want to go and take her on all these marvelous adventures, dressing her up glamourously and treating her royally. With the husband she has now, well, we occasionally make it to Toronto... This new husband, whoever it turns out to be, will be a lucky man. I know this because I'm a lucky man and everyone knows I'm a lucky man. I'll wager that this actually confounds the odd person and I know it certainly is a little beyond my comprehension as to how I became this lucky. I should really buy lottery tickets. I really wish I could tell you just how lucky I am but, really, there's not the time. Just take my word for it!
If there's an issue Doralyn's next husband might run into, it's that she's a little "high maintenance". I put those words into quotation marks because they are her words, not mine. I never really think of her as high maintenance (whatever that really is) but she feels this to be the case. More than anything, I feel that all woman are high maintenance, when it comes to men trying to navigate their way around them. If you're a man and at all successful with maintaining a positive relationship with a woman, then you are clever, understanding, thoughtful, caring and empathetic. That's 5% of the time. The other 95%---well---it's a friggin' crapshoot, and we all know it.
It has occurred to me that something other than my physical demise might pave the way for Doralyn's next husband. One of these days she might just come to her senses and realize that I'm way luckier than she is and then I might just find myself dumped like a hot potato. This, of course, would be heartbreaking for me but would, at the same time, cause a lot of other male hearts to start ticking with a little more urgency. I know the feeling!
I can't imagine it would be long before suitors in all shapes and sizes showed up at her door, maybe even the same door that used to be our door, who knows? Of course, all the poor, fat, bald ones would be politely re-directed but, in the end, there would be Doralyn's next husband. And his money!
So my job, for the next few years at least, is to remain "viable"---as healthy as I am able and as charmingly acquiescent as I can be. I will try and stay away from her laundry and I will try not to eat the last piece of chocolate. I'll buy the odd gift and I'll get out of her hair for a few hours. And, as always, I will bow down to whatever force of nature brought this amazing woman into my life!
