Thoughts on a Christian friend

   Unfortunately, we had the opportunity to attend a funeral yesterday. Now, normally, I will use any means at my disposal to avoid funerals and visitations. I find that there never seems to be anything truly appropriate to say and I am always fearful of saying the wrong thing and/or simply blurting out the usual platitudes one hears at these things. So a lot of rationalization goes into me trying to figure a way out of actually attending.
   Yesterdays funeral, however, was different insofar as the person whose life was being celebrated was my boss' mother and I've known my boss for almost thirty years. So really kind of a no-brainer as to whether to attend or not and I did so, happily.
   One of our close friends and co-workers, however, had a different viewpoint. She had decided she would not attend based on her assertion that there would be a Catholic ceremony in which the deceased's name would not be mentioned and none of her life story would be told. We argued with her, saying that this was not our recollection of how Catholic burial services were performed. She would not agree with us, however, and based her final decision on not to attend on her belief that the Catholic church's policy of conducting this type of service was wrong, She strongly felt that when she attended a funeral service she wanted to find out something about the person and that the person's name should be referred to throughout.

   Of course, we attended the service and found out many wonderful things about this person's life and she was referred to by name constantly. This then reinforced what we already knew to be true about Catholic funeral services.
   My reason for writing this is to briefly explore the contradictions our friend presents to us. She is a born-again Christian. She believes whole-heartedly in God and Jesus and feels that her life (and, indeed, the world) is guided by them. In this particular case, we found her decision to not attend the service baffling and contradictory as it seemed to go against true Christian values, the same values that urge you to support your friends and loved ones at times of grief. We attended the service solely to offer our support to our boss and friend (I do consider him to be a friend almost as much or more so than a boss) as we did not know and had never met his mother. Our friend's non-attendance seemed to be based solely on politics (probably not the best word and if I can think of a better one by the end of this blog I will insert it) rather than for any other reason. And this is not the first time she has surprised us with this type of seemingly contradictory notion. A few months ago several of us attended a social get-together at one of our houses. At the end of the evening, one of our group was lacking a way to get home. My wife and I were pondering giving this person a lift but were talked out of it by our Christian friend who we were also driving home that evening. At the time, her rationale was that the other person's home was way over on the other side of town. So we actually ended up leaving this person to her own devices, something which my wife and I strongly regret, to this day. Okay, the "Christian" thing to do would have been to have given this person a ride to the other end of town. Somehow or other, we let the "Christian" person talk us out of this! This, then, the paradox our friend presents us with!
   Having read all this, you may have formed a negative opinion of our friend. Please don't feel this way! She is actually a wonderful person, who has gone above and beyond the call of duty in being a true friend to us and many other people. If you're having a crisis, she is there for you. If you're moving your house, she is there for you. Problems with life in general, she is there for you and we love her for this and lots of other reasons. She has lately presented us with this dichotomy, however.

   And I wonder how universal this dichotomy might be. There are people out there who live their lives simply to do things for other people and they probably don't think of themselves as Christians. And there Christians out there who live under the veil of Christianity and yet are very closed to the world. If you have read some of my previous blogs, you probably already know that I am of the opinion there may not have even been a "Jesus", in the historical sense. Yet, I do believe that when you are judging someone's actions (if we should even be doing that!) it is sometimes helpful to ask yourself, "What would Jesus do?" Well, I'm pretty sure Jesus would have given our friend a lift to the other end of the city. I'm also pretty sure he would have attended the funeral yesterday, regardless of whether it was Catholic, Muslim or Rosicrucian if he thought he was supporting someone in grief.

   To be totally clear, my friend is a better person than I am! I can give you all sorts of examples. The difficult spot she has placed herself in is, because of her Christian posturing, that there are now these expectations on her, deservedly or not, and it is possible that her actions may be judged differently than another person's because of this. Which, of course, is probably not fair. There is a saying from the Bible that goes,"Judge not, lest ye be judged". Attitudinally-speaking, I believe this to be true. I, however, was the one who ultimately did not give our other friend a ride home that night! So mark me down as a non-Christian, for Christ's sake! That will lower the expectations!