Grief-Sharing

   One of my favourite blogs to check out on Sundays is called PostSecret. At some point in the future I will likely dedicate a blog post to it but not today. The reason why I bring it up is because one of the postcards they highlited today was from someone who stated that ever since their dad had passed away two years ago they found it got them very angry when, on Facebook, people "overshare" their grief for the passing of loved ones.
   There was a fair amount of irony to this as I had just, the previous day, posted a bunch of pics of my Dad to commemorate the fact that it was the first anniversary of his passing. Not only that but a friend of mine had also posted a remembrance of his Dad today, for the very same reason.
   I am pretty sure that neither of us overshared our grief. I can't speak for my friend but, for me, grief didn't even enter in to it. In my case, I was simply honouring my Dad's memory one year later.
   I also suspect that for the person who shared their secret above, this was not what they were referring to, either. I suspect that they were referring to those people who go on and on, publicly on Facebook, with their immediate grief at the passing of a loved one.
   After checking the memory banks, I was personally unable to think of an instance when this had happened within my circle of Facebook friends. I can think of other times when I have been annoyed at the seemingly endless updates on new kittens, new babies, new relationships, jobs, hobbies and bodily functions. Not so much on grief, though.
   I'd be interested in knowing if this PostSecret person felt the same way before their dad passed. I can imagine that every reference to a loved one passing made on Facebook would only strike a raw nerve after you'd just had one of your own loved ones die.
   Grief-sharing (or sharing of any kind) on social media is still a reasonably new thing. If you're a teenager, you likely feel as though it's been around your whole life. This is pretty close to the truth. For many of the rest of us, though, grief-sharing was a natural process which happened once people found out someone close to you had passed away. Rather than post something, hopefully you had the opportunity to say something in person and then get an immediate response from someone who was right there in front of you. You might even get a real hug. Very seldom did you get the opportunity to over-share your grief.
   These days, of course, grief-sharing is quick and, physically, easy. You are able to say something about a loved one and then get an immediate and supportive response. Support is always something wonderful to have at times like this and some people will crave it more than others. The people who crave it may go out of their way to get it, almost without being able to help themselves and likely also truly unaware of it.
   Ultimately, I believe grief is something handled privately. There may be a sense of relief in receiving a multitude of on-line condolences but, when it comes right down to it, grieving is a process which needs to occur deep within a person and no amount of superficial, online interaction will really get you there.
   As I mentioned before, my Dad passed away a year ago. At the time, I was engaged in a pretty heavy-duty blogging routine while I detailed the whole process of Dad's decline. This served a dual purpose--it kept his friends and loved ones abreast of all that was going on with him and, at the same time, was a cathartic  exercise for me. It is also now a record of his own end of days. I recently re-read that particular series of blog posts and it occurred to me that, more than any scrapbook, photo album or memento it got me as close to a viable remembrance of my Dad that I could possibly have wanted.