I Am Woman

The change I've made...

   Well...two wives, working in agency dominated by women and many years later, it's finally happened. I walked into the bathroom today, saw that the toilet seat was up and I thought to myself now that's just wrong!
   I used to hardly ever worry about whether the toilet seat was up or down. I also used to scoff at the ladies when they'd tell stories about lowering themselves onto the toilet only to find that the seat was up and they were perched there on cold, unyielding (and usually wet from you-know-what) porcelain. I always thought to myself oh god, look before you plop yourself down!
   I don't feel that way anymore. If I'm at home, I'm just as happy to sit down myself when using the toilet, regardless of my reason for using it. So, when I walk into the bathroom and see the seat in an upright position..well...it's an imposition. I now have to stoop to lower it and I've pretty well arrived at the non-stooping age these days.
   Also, after trying all the manly brands of deodorant, I've discovered that the only kind that actually works is one of the dainty women's brands. Until now, I didn't really advertise this.
   I prefer woman talk, as well. For whatever reason, I'm happier sitting around chatting with a bunch of women than a bunch of men. I can hold my own with the menfolk (unless cars are the topic) but I still would rather be with the women.

...and NOT the change I've made.

   Don't get me wrong, though. If I were a woman, I'd definitely be a gay woman, no two ways about it. As much as some men find the whole gay women thing reprehensible, it only makes total sense to me. Why wouldn't you want to make love with a woman, for goodness sake?
   Hopefully, those of you who I see on any kind of a regular basis will not now be looking askance at me the next time our paths cross. I assure you, I am essentially the same Brian you have always known. And if you'd like to believe that I chivalrously left the toilet seat down for you, then be my guest!