Autistic Boy Meets Damaged Woman

   Earlier on this week, a typewritten letter on pink paper made its way into the news, big-time.

   It was a letter full of invective, which had made its way to the doorstep of a household in Newcastle. The woman who lived in the house was the grandmother of an autistic boy, Max, who had been staying with her. The letter was from an anonymous neighbour who objected to the presence of Max in her neighbourhood.
   The grandmother brought the letter to the attention of the police, it then found its way into the news and then, instantly, on to social media.
   It was a letter that was almost physically difficult to read, as full as it was with hatred and ignorance. It was also a reminder that, though we think we live in an enlightened age, there are those of us out there still dwelling, for whatever reasons, in very dark places.
   I have worked for over thirty years with intellectually challenged people, many of whom have autistic tendencies or disorders. Relatives and close friends of ours have children with autism. I know that taking the time to look beyond what might seem like a challenging behaviour on the outside will generally result in finding out just how "normal" a person actually is and, in fact, may lead to discovering a world of wonder nestled there on the inside.
   The anonymous woman who wrote this letter and then felt empowered to actually deliver it does not have this same ability.
   Not surprisingly, the tables have now been turned. Howls of protest all over the printed press and social media have been directed at this woman and my understanding is that the police are investigating. Many have called for this woman, once she is discovered, to be charged with a hate crime. According to the authorities, the woman's actions meet all the criteria for a hate crime except for one--it was an action taken in private and was not meant for public dispersal or consumption. Notwithstanding this, the police are investigating the possibility of charging her with other crimes, e.g. public mischief.
   Charges or not, the worst punishment this woman will suffer, however, is simply being found out. I suspect that hanging out with the autistic kid next more might suddenly seem way more comfortable than hanging out with the rest of the neighbours! It will be hard to feel sorry for her.
   I do, however, feel sorry for her.
   As much as the world has come to the defense and support of Max and his family, the woman who wrote the letter is now on an island and, I'm fairly certain, is feeling trapped there. She is trapped there by her own actions but I suspect she has been hardwired to respond the way she has. People are generally a product of their life experiences and I can't help but wonder what might have gone on in this woman's life to make her so pre-disposed to this amount of anger and hatred.
   What, if anything, has she been taught about acceptance and understanding? What must have gone on in her life on an almost daily basis which might have, in turn, bred this vitriol? How truly damaged must this woman be? Almost as importantly, what is she teaching her children? I find it sad that being so enmeshed in what her life needs to be like that she becomes this angry (and almost panicky) at the thought of the new and unknown disrupting it.
   Because she does seem so damaged, I hesitate to hurl anything her way. Some of what I've seen being said about her by the shocked masses comes way too close to echoing the types of things she herself has said about Max. There used to be what she thought was a pariah in her neighbourhood, an autistic boy she had no wish to try to understand. Now that she herself has become the true pariah, it only behooves us to afford her at least an attempt to offer the kind of understanding she was unable to afford Max.
   Autistic Boy meets Damaged Woman.
   Autistic Boy wins!
    
  

  
  

And It's Off To The Gym We Go!

   Back in May, after taking part as a guest in a couple of exercise classes with a co-worker, Doralyn decided to join the local Goodlife Fitness club.
   Since then, I'd been toying with the idea of joining, as well, and last week I finally took the plunge.

Hmmm,,,doesn't seem easy SO far!

   I've been running for a year now and have joined an online group of runners who also blog about their experiences. Many of them talk about the benefits of cross-training. Cross-training, for these purposes, refers to pretty well any other kind of physical training other than running itself. This might include such things as weightlifting, pilates, zumba, yoga, planking, spinning, and tai chi. Often, cross-training will include combinations of these activities.
   The human body is a very inter-related and co-dependent organism and having one part of it strengthened often will improve performance in another area. This, in turn, lead to overall performance enhancement.
   And overall performance enhancement is exactly what I'm after!
   Apart from that, what I wanted to work on was a little bit of upper body strength---when playing sports, my legs have always gotten me where I needed to go in timely fashion but when I got there I lacked the upper body strength to be able to accomplish what needed doing.

A lot of THIS goes on there...

   When I joined Goodlife, I also arranged for three sessions with a personal trainer. The two of us have been assessing where I'm at now, where I want to be in the future and what the time frame might look like for getting me there. He's familiarized me with the cardio and weight machines and talked about ways to switch up workouts. One of the things I've learned in the last week that I never would have guessed is that if you go into a gym and do exactly the same workout every single time then you will make almost no progress after a certain point. Your body simply accommodates and acclimatizes when it's no longer being challenged. Changing things up is fine by me, actually, I have no desire to head off to the gym on a regular basis and just do the same thing time after time!
   At this point, we are still trying to come up with a routine that gets us both to Goodlife on a regular basis and, hopefully, a lot of the time gets us there together. I do sense that we're pretty strongly committed, though, so I don't think this will be too much of an issue. In time, we'll be all trim and toned with lots of energy and healthy outlooks.
   But that'll probably be Week 3.... 
     
  

Reunion

   For two successive weekends this summer, we attended my wife's family reunions--one on her Mum's side, the Vermues, and, the following weekend, the Buren reunion, on her Dad's side.
   If you enjoy large groups of Dutch people (and I do!), then you would have been in heaven, at either one of them. Both of Doralyn's parents were from large families so you end up with a huge collection of aunts and uncles, their spouses and, by default, all of their children and their grandchildren. As a group, I have always found them to be extremely engaging, friendly and loving.
   At the same time, these reunions are a bit of a stressor because I can't remember names!

   Well, actually, remembering the names isn't hard, it's applying the correct names to the correct faces which I find sometimes challenging. What makes this all the more difficult, of course, is that for the most part, these are people I only get to see once a year, if that often. So, over the course of the get-together, I will get all the names and faces properly allocated but then, a year later, it's all been lost in the breeze again!
   What makes this even worse is that more than once I've referred to the same aunt by a totally different aunt's name...right to her face! This, of course, is something I find totally mortifying and only leads me further down the path toward face-and-name performance anxiety. In turn, this has led to a lot of hi, how are you, good to see you again in an effort to greet people without using their names.
   One of the things I need to remember, though, is that I am not the only one at these family get-togethers with this same problem. As an example, shortly after we arrived at the Vermue reunion, one of Doralyn's aunts came up to me and promptly referred to me by Doralyn's ex-husband's name! This amused me to no end but I'm sure it put a damper on the poor aunt's reunion. I guess it just reinforced the fact that we're all in this together and if I wasn't overly upset at someone mixing up my name then no one else likely is too offended either.
   My family has never had reunions and it wasn't until I was married the first time that I had ever attended one. It wasn't until I was married the second time that I attended them on any kind of a regular basis. If you are new to a particular family and their reunions, they are somewhat similar to reading a novel with many characters. The author or narrator introduces you to each character one by one and attempts to explain to you where and how that character fits into the grand scheme of things. You find out about dedication, accomplishments, turmoil, true love, inspiration and a whole host of amazing sub plots as you're taken deeper and deeper into the heart of a novel called Family.
   Of course, as time progresses, you yourself become a character in the novel and are no longer just the interested reader. The things you say and the things you do all leave their own impressions on other members of the family and you begin to make your own niche. I have always enjoyed having my feet firmly planted on middle ground wherever my travels have taken me and the family milieu is not a bad place to do this.
   This, of course, will not help me remember names...