It was a letter full of invective, which had made its way to the doorstep of a household in Newcastle. The woman who lived in the house was the grandmother of an autistic boy, Max, who had been staying with her. The letter was from an anonymous neighbour who objected to the presence of Max in her neighbourhood.
The grandmother brought the letter to the attention of the police, it then found its way into the news and then, instantly, on to social media.
It was a letter that was almost physically difficult to read, as full as it was with hatred and ignorance. It was also a reminder that, though we think we live in an enlightened age, there are those of us out there still dwelling, for whatever reasons, in very dark places.
I have worked for over thirty years with intellectually challenged people, many of whom have autistic tendencies or disorders. Relatives and close friends of ours have children with autism. I know that taking the time to look beyond what might seem like a challenging behaviour on the outside will generally result in finding out just how "normal" a person actually is and, in fact, may lead to discovering a world of wonder nestled there on the inside.
The anonymous woman who wrote this letter and then felt empowered to actually deliver it does not have this same ability.
Not surprisingly, the tables have now been turned. Howls of protest all over the printed press and social media have been directed at this woman and my understanding is that the police are investigating. Many have called for this woman, once she is discovered, to be charged with a hate crime. According to the authorities, the woman's actions meet all the criteria for a hate crime except for one--it was an action taken in private and was not meant for public dispersal or consumption. Notwithstanding this, the police are investigating the possibility of charging her with other crimes, e.g. public mischief.
Charges or not, the worst punishment this woman will suffer, however, is simply being found out. I suspect that hanging out with the autistic kid next more might suddenly seem way more comfortable than hanging out with the rest of the neighbours! It will be hard to feel sorry for her.
I do, however, feel sorry for her.
As much as the world has come to the defense and support of Max and his family, the woman who wrote the letter is now on an island and, I'm fairly certain, is feeling trapped there. She is trapped there by her own actions but I suspect she has been hardwired to respond the way she has. People are generally a product of their life experiences and I can't help but wonder what might have gone on in this woman's life to make her so pre-disposed to this amount of anger and hatred.
What, if anything, has she been taught about acceptance and understanding? What must have gone on in her life on an almost daily basis which might have, in turn, bred this vitriol? How truly damaged must this woman be? Almost as importantly, what is she teaching her children? I find it sad that being so enmeshed in what her life needs to be like that she becomes this angry (and almost panicky) at the thought of the new and unknown disrupting it.
Because she does seem so damaged, I hesitate to hurl anything her way. Some of what I've seen being said about her by the shocked masses comes way too close to echoing the types of things she herself has said about Max. There used to be what she thought was a pariah in her neighbourhood, an autistic boy she had no wish to try to understand. Now that she herself has become the true pariah, it only behooves us to afford her at least an attempt to offer the kind of understanding she was unable to afford Max.
Autistic Boy meets Damaged Woman.
Autistic Boy wins!
Well said!
ReplyDeleteThanks!
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